Bucket List
by Painted Parade
Summary: My boss suggested I do this, probably mostly so I'd stop playing with the paper weight on his desk, but anyway, now I'm making a bucket list! And my first act will be... to do something nice for another country! Awesome, right? Hope Russia likes flowers.


AUTHOR'S NOTE: Be warned, this is fairly silly. I just felt like writing something _fun_, so I sat down at the computer and this happened. Also, apologies for the run-ons and nonsense, but it _is_ supposed to be in Alfred's PoV. I kind of don't think he's the type to worry about that sort of thing. I figure he'd be more of a stream of consciousness kind of guy.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Hetalia. Also, I am not including a clever joke in my disclaimer, which I'm pretty sure violates a few of the unspoken/unwritten laws of Fanfiction. Sorry, guys… maybe next time.

EDIT: So apparently strikethroughs don't show up in Fanfiction. Pretend that the underlined text is actually crossed out? Sorry!

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**Chapter One: Spreading the Awesome**

* * *

So, today I was just sitting in the Whitehouse playing with this really pretty cool paper weight that was on my boss's desk when he asked me if I didn't have anything better to do, and I said that no, I really didn't, so he suggested a few things that I nixed, and then he said, "what about making a bucket list?" Then I said, "what's a bucket list?" and he explained it, and it actually _is_ kinda cool, so he gave me this piece of paper and now I'm making one! Which should be pretty awesome. Here goes:

MY BUCKET LIST 

THE HEROIC BUCKET 

BUCKET LIST OF A HERO

Yeah. That'll work for a title. In my opinion, you really need a snazzy title for important stuff like this. Oh! And if it's in a PowerPoint you need, like, some glowing font that goes all explody when it flies into the center of the screen! That's how you can tell which nations have their shit together, man, I swear. Like Iggy, his PowerPoints put me to sleep within _minutes_. Seriously. The dude is all gray tones and static images and Times New Roman font. It's horrible. Actually, most of the other nations are pretty boring when it comes to stuff like that too. I mean, I guess at least Russia gets some points for his font choice, though admittedly it's kinda hard to read. Sometimes I wonder if that shit's even in _English_, haha.

Anyway, my bucket list. Hmm.

1.) Be a hero.

2.) Help out a fellow American.

3.) Fly a plane.

4.) Gain _super powers._

So, this is harder than I thought it would be. I mean, I'm such a totally awesome guy I've pretty much done all the cool shit there is to do. I'm _always_ doing heroic stuff. Also, I've been working on that super powers thing for years, and so I don't think putting it on the list is going to somehow improve my chances of making it happen. Like this one time, I figured that if I drank _all_ of the Diet Coke at the world conference I would be able to mutate into, like, a _truck_ or something. It turns out the only reason I thought that is that I'd already had a few glasses of it and apparently someone had spiked it with 100 proof Vodka, so the only thing I ended up transforming into was a violently shaking mess.

Oh, that's one of the stories my boss says I should stop telling to new members of Congress. He says it might give people the wrong impression, like I don't take my job seriously. That's ridiculous, of course, because I take my job very seriously, which is why I take super powers seriously (I mean, they are pretty much the only thing that could make me any more awesome than I already am). Then he said something about how the fact that I take super powers seriously is kind of the whole _problem_ and then I forget what he said after that because there was this really cute little bird on the tree branch just outside the window and I sort of got caught up in watching it fly around. I wish I could do that.

This is pretty fun!

Okay, let's see. I'll start again, and this time I'll be sure to include some stuff that I can accomplish right away (I'll put a star next to it too!), and I'll try to leave off the obvious stuff that I've already finished. Which leaves my bucket list like this:

1.) Gain super powers.

2.)

Ummmmmmm. Okay, I've been sitting here for, like, half and hour and the only thing I've done is draw a picture of a dinosaur attacking a spaceship. Which is actually looking pretty sweet. But I can't think of anything to put in a bucket list. Ummmmm.

Well, I guess I could go back and redo one of the ones I've already done. Oh! Or I could, like, _spread_ my awesomeness around! It's not really fair to the other countries that I'm always being awesome in the states. Hmmmm… I've got it! I'll redo the second one, but instead of helping out a fellow American, I'll do something for one of the other countries! I am such a cool guy!

Now I have to pick someone to help. Let's see… I guess I should narrow it down. There are a lot of countries. Um. I guess… I'll pick from the Allies of World War II. Yeah, that'll be good. I can spell all of their names.

Okay, here they are: England, France, China, Russia, and… uh… no, never mind, I think that's everyone.

Well, Iggy's an obvious choice, but whenever I do stuff for him he always wants to repay me by giving me "scones" or something, and I swear those things should only ever be used to build houses. Like, as brick substitutes. Those can't be good to eat.

So that leaves: England, France, China, & Russia

France. Uh, that guy would probably totally misunderstand a simple kind gesture of my awesomeness and try to feel me up or something. So I'm going to say no.

England, France, China, & Russia

China… hm. I dunno. I already send the guy ridiculous amounts of cash. I mean, a bunch of the stuff in my shops was _made_ by him, so yeah. I guess that's another no.

Which leaves: England, France, China, & Russia

Huh. I'm left with Russia? Maybe I should have chosen a different group of countries. Russia and I haven't exactly always gotten along. Then again, maybe he's the perfect choice. He's pretty much the most screwed up guy I know. He could definitely use my help. Yeah… you know what? This will be great! I'm a genius!

Now I just have to think of something awesome I can do for him! Actually, maybe I'll just send him something. That would be the safest most polite thing to do. My boss would be proud. That way Russia won't be inconvenienced! He can just check his mail. Yeah, that's great.

So…what do you send an ex-communist as a friendly gift?

I think it's time to check… _the Internet!!_ Dun, dun, dun! I'll be right back!

* * * 30 Minutes Later * * *

Um, ok. The Internet has spoken, and it says that the best gifts are chocolate, flowers, and jewelry. I'm kinda not too sure about sending any of that stuff. I mean, it's almost Valentine's Day, and I don't want him to get the wrong idea. (Also, I'd be pretty pissed if someone sent _me_ jewelry.) Actually, come to think of it, there's no way he would misunderstand. I mean, he doesn't even have proper holidays. The guy celebrates Christmas in _January_. Seriously screwed up, like I said. He probably doesn't even know about Valentine's Day. So… I guess flowers can't hurt anything. And then I can cross "do something awesome for another country" off my bucket list! Yeah! Anyway, that's an easy one, since I already know what kind of flowers he likes. Sunflowers! See, we had this one meeting back in WWII with sunflowers in the middle of the table, and the guy was looking at them the whole time. Not that I was looking at _him_ or anything.

That would have been weird.

But yeah, I'm pretty sure Russia likes sunflowers. So that's what I'll send him!

Man, this bucket list is off to an _awesome_ start.

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Firstly, here are some things you almost certainly picked up on, but that I feel compelled to explain nonetheless: Iggy = England & Russia's "Interesting" Font Choice = Cyrillic

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Well, that concludes chapter one. This fic was actually only supposed to _open _with an excerpt from America's bucket list, but then I had a little too much fun writing from his PoV, and so I never left it. Oops. As for the rest of this fic… I don't really have anything planned out yet, but this _will_ almost certainly be a multi-chapter fic, just because it's been really fun to write. Dunno if it's fun to read or not though, haha. Let me know? Reviews would be greatly appreciated! Thanks for reading and [hopefully] for reviewing.


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